


Gay Spirit Guide

by orphan_account



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, teacher!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3690690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So what is it? It’s not as if you don’t pay attention, your eyes are on me whenever I look at your--”</p><p>And then you realize. </p><p>The staring at you. </p><p>Always being the first to raise her hand. </p><p>The way she was blushing scarlet right now and looking at her shoes. </p><p>“...You have a crush on me, don’t you?” </p><p>(Someone sent me a prompt on tumblr asking for a teacher AU drabble. It got a little longer than a drabble, so here you go.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You’re twenty-two, fresh out of college, and the school is so desperate for a replacement after the history teacher quits unexpectedly that they don’t even care that you have a degree to teach philosophy. Did you have the ability to deal with teenagers? Check. Could you legally take the position? Check. Are you so desperate for money that you would take any job? Double checked and circled. You’re hired and starting the next day.

The previous teacher was very old and very boring, from what you hear in the teacher’s lounge, so when you walk in the next day it’s no surprise that they all look surprised. You crack your knuckles.

“Alright kids, let’s get started. My name is Miss Karnstein, and I am your new history teacher. Ms. Cochrane quit, as I’m sure you’ve been told. I won’t give you any crap if you don’t give me any crap. Are we good?”

The class didn’t say anything. “Well? A response would be nice.”

The class gave an unsure chorus of ‘yes’. You’re only four years older than most of these kids, but you know how to carry yourself in a way that makes it clear; you do not take any shit.

“Alright.” You hop onto the desk, legs dangling from it, hands gripping the edge. “So who’s going to tell me what unit we were on?”

Immediately a hand raised in the air. Right in the middle of the front row; obviously a teacher’s pet. “We were reading chapter ten and answering the section review.”

“Is that all you do in this class everyday?”

“Yes.”

You give a nod of the head. “Get on with it then.”

They open their notebooks and immediately start working.

The next day you decide that something needed to be done. Not necessarily for the students, but for your own sanity. Doing nothing every day but watching students fill in notebooks would be mind numbing.

So you arrange the desks in a circle for class discussion. You start bringing your guitar and making up stupid little songs about DaVinci and protestantism. The principal walks in to observe one day and congratulates you on how engaged the entire class seems. Maybe, you think, you’re actually better than average at the teaching thing.

That girl that answered your question is by far the one who participates the most. Once again, word around the teacher’s lounge informs you that this Laura Hollis was pretty much every teacher’s favorite. She was a happy, bubbly little ball of sunshine. Head of the school newspaper. On track to be valedictorian.

Or at least she would be if she wasn’t failing your class.

It’s strange. She always was the first to raise her hand. A lot of times when she was called all she’d get wide-eyed, like she forgot what she was going to say. But she also answered correctly a lot of the time too. She sat at the front, so that wasn’t a problem, and she looked like she was paying attention to you unless she was really good at daydreaming. But at the rate she’s going, she’s going to end the quarter with a D if she’s lucky.

You ask her to stay after class after she barely squeaks by the test you give on the French Revolution.

“Laura, I’ve been talking to the other teachers about you, and I’m a little concerned.”

The brunette is fidgeting with her hands. “What did they say? Was it bad?”

“No. They said you’re a model student. And you seem like one in this class too. So I’m wondering why you got a D- minus on the test. You’ve been doing poorly on all the tests and quizzes since I started teaching here.”

“Er...I don’t know why…”

“Is it the way I’m teaching? I know I made a lot of changes to the way this class runs.”

“No! You’re a great teacher. Really. Ms. Cochrane was nice but way too dry.”

“So what is it? It’s not as if you don’t pay attention, your eyes are on me whenever I look at your--”

And then you realize.

The staring at you.

Always being the first to raise her hand.

The way she's blushing scarlet right now and looking at her shoes.

_Oh._ “...You have a crush on me, don’t you?”

“What? No! Ha, ha, no. That is ridiculous. I’m not, uh...I mean…” You smirk. She is really bad at hiding this.

“I haven’t told anyone.” The brunette settled on. Your eyes widen and your smile disappears. “Please don’t tell anyone?”

“Of course not.” You answer, because that is big deal, and you remember how hard it was for you to tell your mother.

“I try to pay attention Miss Karnstein, I really do. But I watch you lecture and all I can think is about how cool you are and how interesting and then I think ‘wow that dress is really pretty on her’ and then I think ‘wow she’s really attractive in general’ and then I try to tell myself to stop thinking about that but that just makes it worse, you know? And then before I know it the class is over and I didn’t take any notes, and I can’t even remember most of the stuff I answered or what you actually said--”

“Whoa, sweetheart, slow down.” You say gently. “Listen, you know there’s nothing for you to feel bad about, right? Lots of your friends have had crushes on male teachers, right?”

She nods slowly.

“So why should having a crush on me be such a big deal? Look, if it makes you feel any better...I broke up with my _girlfriend_ six months ago.”

She opens her mouth, then closes it. “So you’re…?”

You smile. “As the Fourth of July. So listen, I understand. I won’t tell anyone. None of my business anyway. If you need any advice you can come to me.” You say the last part without thinking, and it’s only a moment later that you realize that you’ve, basically, volunteered to be this girl’s gay spirit guide.  

Laura smiles, and you can’t help but feel happier because of it; it was like you just gave a puppy a pat on the head. “Thank you Miss Karnstein. Thank you.”

“No problem, cutie.” She blushes more, and for her sake you make a mental note to cool it on the nicknames. “About class though…”

“I’ll pull my grade back up. My dad would kill me if I didn’t pass. Besides, I feel way better now that I’ve told somebody. Now it’s not just, like, building up pressure in my brain. Thank you again, Miss Karnstein.” She walks out of the room with a cheerful wave. 

Laura kept to her word. She went from a D in the class to an A. She also comes in for dating advice, which is _kind of_ inappropriate for a teacher, but it’s hard enough being gay and it’s not like the sex ed in this school would be any help anyway. Her name is Danny Lawrence, school track star, and according to Laura she’s _super patient_ and _really, really sweet_ and is totally okay with keeping the relationship under wraps until Laura is ready.

You’re the one that tells Laura two months later that the amount of texting and ‘checking up’ on Laura was a bit excessive (and by that you mean a huge red flag). And you’re the one that lets Laura come into your classroom during lunch to listen to ‘Forget You’ on repeat next to a box of tissues and oreo cookies when she finally ends it with that gargantuan red head. You never liked Danny anyway. Even when Laura was happy with her it kind of rubbed you the wrong way…

But she was a _student_ , so you tried not to think about it too much.

Of course Laura got valedictorian, and of course you were at the graduation. She tripped on her way up to make the speech and her cap fell off her head. Typical Laura. She recovered quickly. The speech was nothing special, a bunch of nonsense about following your dreams and everything...but then Laura paused. She took a breath.

“But what’s really important, more than tests and homework, is that you need to learn about everything that makes you you. And you can never be afraid to be and do those things, despite what other people may think. Even if you feel like it’s hard.

Well, I haven’t lived up to that lesson, and I think it’s time to be brave. What makes me who I am is the fact that I enjoy theatre, and I have listened to my Taylor Swift playlist everyday on the bus without fail all four years of high school, and I love Harry Potter, and I practically _live_ on snack cakes...but it’s also the fact that I am gay. And that is absolutely okay. So that’s what I want to leave you with. That being who you are is okay.”

It wasn’t the best delivered speech--she was obviously nervous as hell, and she stumbled over the words a few times--but she gets a standing ovation nonetheless. You swear you see Laura look directly at you in the audience, and you smile at her and give a nod of the head.

Later, when everyone is talking in the gym, Laura walks up to you. “Miss Karnstein!”

“Laura! Hey. Listen, I am really proud of you. That took a lot.”

“Thanks. Everyone has been really supportive. Including my dad.”

“Well, they better be. Anyone else can fuck off." You smirk. "Words from a mentor.”

Laura looks like she’s trying to form the words in her head before she says, “Listen Miss Karnstein, I just wanted to thank you, if it wasn’t for you being there for me all year I would have never done this--”

“Hey.” You hold up a hand. “First of all, I’m not your teacher anymore. Call me Carmilla. Secondly, that speech was all you cupcake. I had nothing to do with it. You dragged yourself out of the closet.”

“...Well, thank you Miss--Carmilla. Thanks Carmilla.”

“Where are you going anyway, cupcake?”

“Silas U. I’m really excited! Except, you know,” Laura frowns. “I’m kind of going to miss you.”

You try to put the thought out of your head. It would look bad. You already were being a little too personal with her.

But another part of you is saying _fuck it_. You like her, she’s cute, she’s an adult now, and she was the only good thing about working in this school.

“You know, I’ve been thinking of getting my masters.” You say. Which wasn’t a lie; you had been thinking about it.

“Really? Where?”

“I’ve heard Silas University is a good school.” You’re nervous, and Laura looks nervous. But after she considers what you’ve said she smiles.

“Yeah.” She says slowly, “And it would be nice to have a friend there with me. Why don’t you, uh...give me your number and we can talk about it over the summer?”

You want to laugh because Laura being ‘flirty’ was all kinds of adorable and hilarious, but you manage to keep a straight face as you exchange numbers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go to marzos.tumblr.com and search the tag 'hollstein drabbles' for more stuff (I take requests, message me).


	2. Text

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The summer before college, Laura's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of messages asking me to do a followup, so here it is.

You’re not sure how serious Miss Karnstein--Carmilla you remind yourself--was when she gave you the number, but after a couple of days into the summer you decide to send her a text.

_Laura2theletter: Hey Carmilla. It’s Laura. How r u?_

_Laura2theletter: You don’t mind me texting right?_

_Laura2theletter: OMG you’re right this is too weird I’m sorry forget I did anything._

You put the phone down and mentally slap yourself before it buzzes and you unlock the screen.

_HeyitsCarmilla: Sorry for not replying sooner cupcake. Just thought it was funny watching you spaz over the phone._

_HeyitsCarmilla: You know some people are a lot different in writing than in person. You’re not._

“What is that supposed to--” You realize you’re talking to a text message.

Oh my god, Carmilla is right.

* * *

_Laura2theletter: You mean you’re going to be gone all summer?_

_HeyitsCarmilla: Hey, I’ve got 3 months before I commit to 2 more years of boring schoolwork on the off chance I can actually get a job in this economy._

_HeyitsCarmilla: So I decided if I’m going into debt, why not travel first?_

_HeyitsCarmilla: Why? You miss me? ;)_

_Laura2theletter: Maaaaybe. :)_

_HeyitsCarmilla: It’s messages like that that remind me you’re barely out of high school and I was your teacher._

You bite your lip to keep from laughing at the screen.

* * *

It’s a month into your summer and you’re already starting to think about college.

_Laura2theletter: Hey Carm, you know what has me most excited about college?_

_HeyitsCarmilla: What cupcake?_

_Laura2theletter: That now that I came out, I can get ALL THE LADIES._

_HeyitsCarmilla:...good luck with that cupcake._

_Laura2theletter: I have it all planned out. I’ll make a t-shirt._

_Laura2theletter: ‘HELLA GAY AND READY TO PLAY’_

_HeyitsCarmilla: STOP._

_Laura2theletter: What, you don’t want one too? You can be my wing-woman._

_HeyitsCarmilla: I am not having this conversation._

_HeyitsCarmilla:...And if anything you’re MY wing-woman. Please._

She’s answering your texts a little slower than usual for a few days after that.

* * *

_HeyitsCarmilla: Hey cupcake. I know it’s midnight where you are and you probably won’t get this until morning because you’re the only teenager on the planet that goes to bed early, but I’m in New York right now and I think you’d love it._

_HeyitsCarmilla: Maybe I’m feeling a little sentimental because I overdid it on the drinks, but Times Square was lit up and it was full of life and loud and colorful...reminded me of you._

_HeyitsCarmilla: Now I’m going to stop before I drunk text something I’ll really regret._

_HeyitsCarmilla: Night creampuff. I miss your face. :(_

You hold the phone close to your chest that morning and smile. Then you take a selfie.  

_Laura2theletter: I miss your face too Carm. Maybe this will help? :)_

Carmilla sends back a selfie of herself in the M&M store, smirking.  

_HeyitsCarmilla: Returning the favor (fyi your bedhead is the stuff legends are made of)._

You fight the urge to both laugh and throw the phone at the wall.

* * *

 

_Laura2theletter: ...So Danny texted me and asked if I wanted to see a movie._

_HeyitsCarmilla: You tell her to f off?_

_Laura2theletter: No. I told her she could talk to me again after she gave me some space. We want to try and stay friends._

_HeyitsCarmilla: LOL friends? Riiiight._

_HeyitsCarmilla: What movie is it?_

_Laura2theletter: The Longest Ride, it’s some Nic Sparks thing._

_HeyitsCarmilla: DO NOT GO ON A DATE WITH DANNY LAURA IT WILL ONLY END BADLY._

_Laura2theletter: It is not a date just because it’s a chick flick! Danny is bi, she probably just thinks the guy in it is hot._

_HeyitsCarmilla: So you said yes?_

_Laura2theletter:...She offered to pay for the candy._

You notice it takes a little longer than normal for a response.

_HeyitsCarmilla: gtg ttyl_

* * *

 

_HeyitsCarmilla: So how’d your not-date with Danny go?_

_Laura2theletter: Fun. We’re hanging out again today._

_HeyitsCarmilla: I still can’t believe you’re going to date her again after the way she treated you last time._

_Laura2theletter: Okay, first of all, we’re not dating. Just because 2 queer people are friends does not mean we have to be dating._

_Laura2theletter: 2, WHAT is your problem?_

_Laura2theletter: I told Danny to give me some space before we talked again, and she did. She’s not a complete monster._

_Laura2theletter: And 3rd, you never saw us together anyway. So what makes you such an expert on my relationship with Danny? Jealous much?_

You’re in bed, holding the phone above you. It’s at least thirty minutes of angry staring before you get an answer.

_HeyitsCarmilla: I know how you looked when you told me she was smothering you. I know that I found you crying after you dumped her. I know you spent your lunch period in my room sobbing, chain swallowing nutty bars and listening to Forget You because you were afraid one of your friends would ask what was wrong and you wouldn’t be able to answer. And I know you’re wasting your time with her when_

_HeyitsCarmilla: You know what? Forget it. You may not be my student anymore but you’re still a child. You don’t understand anything. Not about relationships, not about me, and certainly not about being gay. You think just because you’re out everything is going to be all sunshine and rainbows? The sooner you get it out of your head the better off you’ll be. And stop texting me about her._

_Laura2theletter: Maybe I won’t text you at all._

_HeyitsCarmilla: Fine_

_Laura2theletter: FINE!!!!!_

You keep your word and don’t speak to her for a few weeks. Every time your resolve falters you text Danny instead.

* * *

 

_TallGayDanny: Hey Laura, my neighbor is going to shoot fireworks tonight and hand out sparklers. Want to come over? We can use the pool. :)_

You’re about to answer when you get a phone call.

“Laura Hollis. Hello?”

“It’s is really good to hear your voice again cupcake.” You almost drop the phone, but you manage to keep it steady.

“Carmilla?” Her voice is even more dreamy and seductive than you remembered; you’d never actually talked on the phone before, only text, and it makes the whole thing seem more real and serious to you. “Is something wrong…?”

“I wasn’t going to go to Silas. It’s not why I left town for the summer.” The words are coming out hurried and nervous. You’ve never heard her like this before.

“I left because you were my student and I didn’t want to get too close to you right after you graduated. I thought it would look bad for me, career wise. So I left hoping you’d forget about me over the summer and get caught up with Silas. Until you sent me that text.” A pause. “Once you did, any thoughts of ignoring you went out the window. I’m in kind of deep.”

“Carmilla...you mean...you…”

“Can you call 911, because I’m seriously thinking of stabbing myself to get out of this conversation.”

“No, I’m sorry, it’s just that I never thought teacher crushes were reciprocated except for movies and maybe the news--”

“I never said I had a crush on you cupcake. I’m saying--I don’t know what I’m saying. But I do know that I do not want you to have a girlfriend when I see you again. And I’m sorry for annoying you about Danny.”

You’re overwhelmed, absolutely overwhelmed. “I don’t know what to say.” The phone vibrates again and you see that Danny sent another text. “Carmilla, I just got a text from--a text. Can I call you again later?”

“...I’ll see you next week at Silas.”

“Sure. Goodbye.”

You look at the text on your phone.

_TallGayDanny: I almost forgot to give you a time! It’s at 6._

You have two options.

Danny, who was sweet and very pretty and, from what you’ve observed, can probably learn from her mistakes and be a pretty great girlfriend.

Or your former history teacher that you have communicated with only through text for the past three months.

_Laura2theletter: Sounds awesome Danny! See you at 6. <3_

* * *

 

_HeyitsCarmilla: Hey creampuff, where are we going to meet tomorrow at Silas?_

_Laura2theletter: How about the student center?_

_HeyitsCarmilla: How will I know its you? *sarcasm*_

_Laura2theletter: You’re right Carm. I shaved half my head and I got a full sleeve of tattoos. I’ll be the one with the nose ring and purple hair. *totally not sarcasm*_

_HeyitsCarmilla: Ha ha. You all packed?_

_Laura2theletter: Yeah, Danny came by to help me._

_HeyitsCarmilla: Well, it’ll be good to see you. Night cupcake._

* * *

 

You’re almost afraid that among the flood of students pouring into the student centers the morning you arrive that you won’t be able to spot her. It turns out you don’t need to worry. As soon as you step in the lobby you see Carmilla, suitcase in one hand and guitar case in the other, and your brain short circuits. You don’t know that you dropped your bags and ran forward, only that you’ve got your arms around the older woman’s neck and head on her--

Oh god what did you just do this is so awkward LIFT YOUR HEAD.

“C-Carm. Hey.” You back up, holding her at arms length, trying to ignore the fact that you might have accidentally buried your head in your former teacher’s chest? “I am so happy to see you and leather pants wow.”

She is staring at you, smiling from ear to ear. “What, did you think I wore nothing but power suits outside of school too?”

“I mean, no, but...still.”

“And you haven’t changed at all. Oh! And I got you something.” She drops the suitcase and opens it.

“I’m dirt poor, as I’ve told you many times, so I couldn’t afford a custom with the right words--but I found the next best thing.” She takes out a sparkly pink t-shirt that says, in large block letters, HELLA GAY.

You start laughing hysterically the moment you see it. “Oh my god Carm. Give it to me.” You slip it on.

“Want to take a walk with me after we get settled in our rooms? I heard the campus is amazing.”

“Would Danny be happy about that?” Carmilla asks casually as you grab your bags and start walking with her again.

“I don’t know. I told her I didn’t think we should get back together.” You shrug. “We’re better as friends, and besides, I felt like I was too young to get tied down in a long distance relationship, especially when I’ve just started to get comfortable with my sexuality--”

You don’t realize until you get a few steps ahead that Carmilla has stopped walking. She’s staring at you intensely.

“Carm, what--”

_BANG_

Her bags fall to the ground and she grabs your face, kissing you hard. When your mind catches up to your body you drop your own and start kissing her back.

And honestly you’re kind of hoping this is a dream, because then you don’t have to be embarrassed about kissing her as long and as publicly as you want. But, fortunately for you, it’s not and she pulls back.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first.” She says immediately. You laugh.

“Are you _insane?_ ” You kiss her on the forehead, the corners of her mouth, her cheeks. “I have. Wanted to do that. Since you walked into. That classroom.” You end with another gentle kiss to her lips. “The best part is, no one here knows you were my teacher, so no awkwardness.”

“This is going to be hard to explain to my future employers.”

“Well, you have two years to figure it out.” You kiss her again. “We're in Austria. Right now that’s a thousand miles away. Plus I’m totally worth it.” And as you walk off, looking back and telling Carmilla to hurry up, you see her mutter something under her breath.

You think it sounds like _Yes you are_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take drabble requests. Send your Hollstein AUs to marzos.tumblr.com.


	3. Gay Spirit Guide: The Deleted Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Detailing the time Carmilla had to help Laura get over Danny Lawrence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one-shot I'll be writing for this AU, at least for a good long while. Thanks for the comments and kudos!

You know you’re not supposed to use the student bathrooms, but it’s a lot closer to your classroom, and all you’re looking to do is apply some lipstick. Partially because it smeared, and partially because you’re not looking forward to spending your free period grading tests.

So you go to the bathroom at the end of the hall, open the door, and see someone curled up in a little ball in the corner by the sinks.

“Hey kid, are you--christ, Laura?”

The girl looks up, and it is Laura. Her eyes are red and puffy, she has headphones in, and she’s hugging her knees to her chest. She looks like a kicked puppy.

“M-miss Karnstein?”

“Jesus Christ Laura, what happened to you?” You’re down kneeling next to her immediately. She shakes her head and looks away from you.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. Come on. I am your teacher, you can talk to me. Are you in danger?”

She shakes her head slowly.

“...Does this have to do with Danny?” You say, trying not to grit your teeth.

Laura shakes her head ‘yes’, and tears well up in her eyes again.

“Do I need to have a talk with _Miss Lawrence_?”

“No! She--” Laura starts crying again, and you’ve never been more angry at a person in your life than you are at Danny. You wish she was just a little dumber so that you could write passive-aggressive corrections on her essays. 

“Sh-she didn’t d-do anything. I br-broke up with her.” Laura takes shaky breaths, and you aren’t exactly great at the feelings thing, so you just sit and listen, because what else can you do? Right now you’re the only person Laura can talk to about this.

“So it didn’t go well, huh?”

“Oh Miss Karnstein, it was _awful_. She was so upset, and I mean, I’m glad I broke up with her because she was being really overprotective and a little too clingy, and I didn’t like that she was pressuring me to come out, you know? Just because she did already doesn’t mean I should feel bad for not being ready. But she’s not a bad person, and I hate having to make someone who can be so cool and nice feel like that.”

Awkwardly, you give her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. You see that Laura unconsciously relaxes a little at the contact.

"And now I’m freaking out because, what if she’s so angry she doesn’t think and starts telling people we were dating? And the worst part is that I can’t look upset, because people will ask me what’s wrong, and I can’t tell them the real reason, and I don’t want to have to lie. So now I’m stuck,” she grabs a paper bag and holds it up, “Eating a peanut butter sandwich alone in the _bathroom_ while I listen to a breakup playlist and cry.”

“Hey, you’re not alone now.” You say, because that's the only thing you can think of. 

Laura smiles softly. “I guess not. Thank you.”

You make the split second decision to get up and extend your hand.

“C’mon cupcake.” She looks at your hand and frowns.

“Miss Karnstein, I can’t go back--”

“You won’t. Just trust me, alright?” She takes you hand as soon as you say that. You help her up, then tell her to follow you.

“Where are we going?”

“To my classroom.” You grab your keys and open the door. “Wait in here. I will be back, two minutes at the most.”   
She looks confused, but sits down at her usual seat nonetheless. You run down to the cafeteria and make it back up in a minute thirty seconds, your arms full of candy.

“Okay, here is what we’re going to do,” You look at the clock. “We have about forty minutes to get you over this breakup, so we need to concentrate all the usual post-breakup stuff into a _very_ short time frame. Instead of going through the stages of a breakup, you're having them all at once. Here.” You dump the stuff on the desk in front of her. “First of all, none of that peanut butter and jelly crap. You need something with way more sugar and carbs. Second, let me see that breakup playlist.”

Laura hands you her ipod while simultaneously opening a nutty bar and shoving it into her mouth. You grab a boss of tissues from your desk and throw it over to her.

“See, here’s your problem. This is a terrible breakup playlist.”

“Whuff’s wrong wiff it?” Laura says with her mouth full of nutty bar and swiss roll.

“What’s wrong? Look at these songs. ‘Manhattan’? ‘Almost Lover’? Seriously, it’s like you want to be a sobbing mess for the rest of eternity.”

Laura swallows everything in a gulp and reaches for more. “But crying is cathartic--”

“Yeah, but for someone who can’t let people know you went through a breakup, it’s a luxury you can’t afford. Believe me, I was in that position when I was your age. Here,” You reach into your desk drawer, grabbing your own ipod and plunking it down in front of the senior. “Try mine. It’s the third playlist down. In fact, here’s the dock. Plug that in too. I could use some music while I grade.”

She reads it and frowns. “‘Ell’. Was that the name of your last girlfriend?”

You look away and walk back to your desk. “That’s a little personal for a student and teacher, don’t you think?”

“Miss Karnstein, you’re putting me through lesbian breakup bootcamp. This is already beyond the normal scope of teacher responsibilities.”

It’s true, and you really shouldn’t be so involved, but you can't disentangle yourself from this, no matter how many times you’ve had that conversation with yourself.

“True. Fine. I dated Ell from when I was sixteen up until six months before I graduated college. Was my first girlfriend.”

“Wow.” Laura breathed, “What happened?”

“My mother thought we’d broken up years ago. She didn't take me coming out very well.” You smile humoressly. “And when she found out we lied and kept seeing each other at college she threatened to stop paying for my tuition. Was either break up with Ell or never being able to leave my mother’s house. She didn’t appreciate me going with option number one.” You realize you’ve said a little too much, and you shake your head and begin taking out papers to grade.  

“Miss Karnstein, I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t be, cupcake. Sh--stuff happens. Stuff happens and you get over it. Besides, isn't this about your breakup?”

“Still, you deserve to have someone who makes you happy, you’re one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. Look at what you’re doing for me.”

“I don’t make a habit of this kind of thing Laura. I’m only doing it because I know what it’s like to be in the closet.”

Laura, for the first time in this conversation, has a genuine smile. “Still. I think you’re a much better person than you give yourself credit for.”

“Are we here for my self esteem or yours?” Laura docks the ipod.

“Oh my god, Picture to Burn? You have Taylor Swift as one of your breakup songs?”

“It’s not about taste, it’s about the lyrics.”

Laura plugs it in and starts singing along. Badly. _“I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive! A big red-haired heartbreak who’s really bad at lyin’--”_

“Cupcake,” you say, raising an eyebrow, “If anyone hears you I would be in every kind of trouble.” Even if it was kind of adorable. 

Laura smiles sheepishly. “Sorry. It fits so well though, Danny even owns a pickup truck.” She hums along with the song until it ends. You’re halfway through grading a test before she says again:

“Miss Karnstein, do you want to know what I think is really bothering me?”

“What?”

“Statistically, 1.5 percent of the country is queer,” Laura says, “Although some studies say it could be as high as 1 in 10. But even then 90 percent of America is straight.” Laura sighs. “So what are the chances that I am going to meet another super popular gorgeous track star that’s actually willing to date me, a super awkward nerdy bando?”

You look at Laura, who’s nibbling a cookie sadly while Forget You plays on your ipod. “Laura Hollis, look at me.”

She does.

“You are ridiculous, and headstrong, and naive. And any girl would be crazy not to date you, because you are amazing.”

Laura is looking at you and blushing, but the bell rings for her next class. Laura looks at the door and bites her lip.

“Here, I’ll write you a pass. Tell your friends you were in here testing out your presentation for our end of the quarter project.” You sign the pass with a flourish, walking over and holding it out to Laura. She looks up at you and takes it. But instead of pulling it out of your hand, she rises and pulls you in for a hug.

“Miss Karnstein, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you to talk to,” she whispers. She pulls back with the note. “And you deserve someone even better than Ell." 

You smile. “Well, I’ll see you in class tomorrow cinnamon roll--” You stop and your mouth snaps shut. Laura tilts her head curiously.

“Well, bye.” She says, trying not to look too confused as she left the classroom.

Cinnamon roll was your nickname for Ell.

You don’t know why that slipped out. True, Laura does remind you a bit of Ell, she’s pure and optimistic and has this way of lighting up a room--but you shake the thought from your head.

STUDENT. Not appropriate.

* * *

 

Less than a year later you’re in bed, looking up at your ipod.

“Carmilla, what are you doing?” Laura rolls over and her arm lays lazily across your stomach, warm breath on the side of your neck.

“Listening to some music before I go to sleep. Why?”

“Dunno,” Laura mumbles sleepily, “The glow from the screen woke me up.”

“Hey, I told you I was a night owl,” you point out, not taking your eyes off the ipod. “Still think it was a good idea asking me to come over the night before a test?”

Laura shakes her head, hair getting all over the place. “And miss out on cuddling with my girlfriend while my roommate is visiting her parents? Nuh-uh. Even if I lose sleep because my girlfriend is practically a vampire.” You turn your head and kiss her.

“Sorry cinnamon roll.”

“You know I hate when you call me that…”

“What, are you saying you don't want to be a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure?”

“ _Carmilla--”_

“Fine. I'll turn in off in a sec cupcake.”

“Good.” Laura watches you for a few moments, laying a kiss to your neck. Her thumb lifts up the hem of your shirt and rubs circles on your bare stomach. It doesn’t send a shiver up your spine; instead it makes warmth spread across your chest.  

“You know, I think I’m going to make you a playlist,” Laura says, her words slurring and eyes closed, “With a bunch of super cliche love songs, with Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole…” she’s naming artists as she drifts back to sleep.

You look at her, with her hair a mess and face mushed against the pillow. You smile at her adoringly.

When you look back up at the ipod screen, you cycle through your playlists. You stop on ‘Ell’. You delete it. You don’t need it anymore; you don’t think you’ll ever need a breakup playlist again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go to Marzos.tumblr.com and look at the tag 'hollstein drabbles' for more of my stuff!


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